Self-esteem is based on our perception of our self. Often, people with lower self-esteem experience “automatic negative thoughts.” These are quick, automatic patterns of thinking that you have about yourself, others, life in general, or the future and they are generally negative, judgmental, exaggerated, rigid, and usually very convincing. Here is a list of common automatic negative thoughts that individuals with lower self-esteem may experience:
Assuming: assuming the worst without testing the evidence (e.g., “They didn’t text me back so they must not like me.”).
Should Statements: creating demands and expectations for ourselves and others that may be unrealistic or unachievable (e.g., “I should run 10 miles every day”).
All or Nothing Thinking: holding yourself to impossible standards of perfection (e.g., “If I do not get all A’s on my report card, then I am a failure.”).
Overgeneralizing: taking one experience and believing that it will repeat itself in similar situations (e.g., “I did not get the job offer, I will never get a job offer.”).
Labeling: acting as though a single word describes you completely (“I am a loser.”).
Unfavorable comparisons: comparing ourselves to others and feeling poorly when we are not keeping up with what others may be doing (“I’ll never have a house as nice as theirs.”).
Catastrophizing: thinking the worst possible scenario will happen (e.g., “I made a mistake, now I will be fired and not be able to find another job.”).
Personalizing: seeing yourself as more involved in negative events than you really are (e.g., “If only I played better, we would have won the game.”).
Making Feelings Facts: making your feelings proof of the way things “really are” (e.g., “I feel like they do not like me, so they will never be my friend.”).
After we recognize these Automatic negative thoughts, it is important to check how accurate they are. Most of the time, our thoughts are not accurate and are more exaggerated and negative than the reality of the situation. Here are some things we can ask ourselves to think these thoughts through:
What is the evidence for this thought? What is the evidence against this thought?
What might my best friend or a trusted other say in this situation?
Am I thinking this way because my emotions are intense?
After thinking through the thoughts more, we may develop a more realistic thought and one that is less extreme. Once we have a more realistic thought, our emotions will improve, and we will be able to respond healthily. Making good decisions with stressors creates a greater sense of control in our lives and ultimately improves our self-esteem.
I can help go through this process with you - changing your outlook from negative, sabotaging mindset to a positive one.
Get in touch for a free phonecall to see how I can help.
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